Who is Pamela Arsena?
Born and raised in southern rural Oklahoma, I had the privilege of growing up in the country on 40 acres. While the land and nature was beautiful, the family I chose to incarnate into was quite dark. In addition to being born into a dysfunctional family I was born legally blind. In fact, the doctors originally thought I was completely blind until my family noticed I would play with buttons on my grandmas dress. These challenges alone are enough but my situation was further complicated by mom having me at 15.
These conditions would eventually lead to sexual violence at the hands of her husband (my step-dad and his brothers) that began at the age of two and then would progress into weekly molestation, rape and physical abuse until I was 17. My mom, grandma and sister were no help as my moms husband was a saint in their eyes.
I tried to tell my mother on 3 different occasions the first of which was when I was five years old. her response was to threated to kill herself unless I told her I made it up. Making matters worse my grandma, a fanatic Pentecostal Christian told my mom I was demon possessed and that God told her I was lying. I then tried to tell her again when I was 14 and she essentially said I was trying to steal her husband. Moreover she would threaten to tell her husband about the accusations I was making if I did not help her hide her drug use. It was at this point I knew that I was completely alone and the only way out was to make a way, easier said than done when you can’t drive because your legally blind.
Naively I thought love was the answer and married my first boyfriend at the age of 17 which abruptly ended in divorce when he slapped me. I knew from watching my mom get brutally beaten often, that this would not be my destiny. I eventually would meet my daughters dad when I was 21 and while not perfect he gave me the space to heal and supported me getting therapy which I desperately needed..
In therapy I learned that I have complex PTSD which is understandable given my childhood. Being diagnosed with complex PTSD was good as it truly helped me understand myself and how my childhood trauma impacted me.. I went to therapy for a few years and even tried medications for my PTSD. Medicines are awesome for some but not for me as they made my already suicidal feelings from PTSD even worse.
Thankfully in 2012 I had a spiritual awakening which led me into discovering shadow work which helped transform many of my post trauma stresses into post traumatic growth. As a direct result of shadow work I was able to drop 80lbs in eight months along with liberate myself from a marriage that no longer honored my highest good.
Since then life has been rich in experiences and full of growth Plenty of ups and downs but with thousands of hours spent healing and investing my energy into my best self which evolves faster than I can keep up with!
And while shadow work still plays a huge role in my life, I am at a place where I can help others who are stumbling onto shadow work. Although we know there are no accidents, and when the student is ready the teacher (shadow-work) will appear.
Having said that, I appreciate you taking a moment to read more about me. Feel free to check out some of my art as art has really helped me express my unique colorful self! Please feel free to reach out and contact me if there is any way I can help you.