The Real Reasons I’m No Longer a Christian: A Deep Dive

The Real Reasons I’m No Longer a Christian: A Deep Dive

My personal journey is not an easy one to share, but I believe that by opening up about my experiences, I can foster understanding and empathy, create a space for respectful dialogue, and potentially help others who may be going through similar traumatic experiences, struggling with their faith, or facing their own dark nights of the soul.

As I mentioned earlier, I was raised in both Southern Baptist and Pentecostal churches. I was born legally blind, with limited vision that prevented me from participating in activities like driving. My childhood was anything but idyllic, as I was subjected to physical and sexual abuse from various family members, starting at a very young age.

My stepfather was the primary perpetrator of abuse, but several of his brothers and a woman who identified as my aunt by marriage were also involved. My mother was a victim of my stepfather’s abuse, as well. In an attempt to cope with the pain, she turned to drugs and alcohol, which only fueled the chaos in our home.

I found solace in the church, immersing myself in Bible studies and activities not necessarily because of my love for Jesus, but as an escape from the living hell that was my home life. I prayed fervently to Jesus, begging for the abuse to stop, but my pleas seemed to go unanswered. This left me feeling abandoned by the deity I had placed my trust in.

My first memories of abuse go back to when I was just three years old, and the pattern of violence continued throughout my childhood. I was targeted not only by my family members but also by bullies at school who mocked me for my thick glasses and disability. While other children were enjoying their innocence and exploring the world around them, I was trying to navigate a dark and treacherous environment filled with pain and fear.

When I was five years old, I mustered the courage to tell my mother about the abuse. She confided in my grandmother, who, as a devout Pentecostal, claimed that God had told her I was lying and that I was demon-possessed. This led to further alienation within my family, and my mother coerced me into retracting my allegations, threatening to take her own life if I didn’t comply. At such a young age, I was faced with the unbearable burden of protecting my mother’s life by denying my own reality.

As I entered my teenage years, I became more assertive in seeking help and sharing my experiences with others, including my church community. My pastor, who was also a teacher at my school and the bus driver, dismissed my allegations, reinforcing the idea that I was a liar. At this point, I felt utterly abandoned by my parents, the church, and Jesus.

During this time, I experienced what is commonly referred to as a dark night of the soul. This spiritual crisis was marked by a deep sense of despair, confusion, and disconnection from my faith. I felt completely alone, grappling with the unanswered prayers and lack of support from those I had trusted.

Despite the overwhelming darkness, I remained determined to heal and find a way out. I sought therapy and was diagnosed with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), a condition that affects individuals who have experienced prolonged, repeated trauma. While therapy provided some relief, I also explored alternative methods for healing, such as books, videos, and psilocybin therapy.

Throughout this healing journey, I discovered that my spirituality was not limited to Christianity. I learned to connect with the divine light within myself and all living beings, embracing the idea that the Holy Spirit or God is present in every aspect of life. This realization helped me to better understand my purpose and the reasons for my suffering.

As I continued to heal, I came to understand that my soul had chosen to incarnate into a family full of darkness and pain. It was through this choice that I was able to dismantle the generational cycle of abuse and pave the way for a brighter future. I took it upon myself to break the chains of trauma and suffering that had plagued my family for generations.

During this period of profound self-discovery, I experienced another dark night of the soul. I struggled with thoughts of self-deletion, feeling utterly hopeless and exhausted from my battle against the darkness. Despite these challenges, there was an inner knowing that kept me going, a belief that if I gave up, I would only have to return to this world and face these hardships again. This conviction kept me going through the darkest of times.

As I emerged from the darkness, my life began to transform. I embraced love, light, and a renewed sense of purpose. Each day, I awoke with a desire to create and live in harmony with the divine energy that flows through all living beings. My once-devastating past now served as a testament to my strength, resilience, and the power of transformation.

reasons why i left Christianity

Throughout my journey, I have encountered many individuals who have used their Christian faith as a weapon of judgment and intolerance. These experiences have only reinforced my decision to distance myself from organized religion and to forge my own spiritual path.

Ironically, many of these individuals who claim to be followers of Christ display behavior that is far from Christ-like. They often use hateful comments and Bible verses to attack others, rather than embracing the love, compassion, and understanding that Jesus himself preached. These encounters have led me to question the authenticity of their faith and the intentions behind their actions.

I have come to accept that my spirituality is not bound by a specific religion or set of beliefs. Instead, I celebrate the sacredness of all life, recognizing that every being is connected to the divine. Each day, I strive to live in a way that honors this connection and contributes to the greater good.

In sharing my story, I hope to provide a space for others who have experienced trauma, battled with their faith, or faced their own dark nights of the soul. I believe that by shining a light on the darkness, we can help one another heal and grow. My journey has shown me that there is always hope, even in the darkest of times, and that it is possible to transcend pain and find a path towards love, light, and spiritual growth.

If you enjoyed this you may enjoy:

Comments are closed.